I’ve been MIA again. When I logged in and saw the date that I posted my last blog, I was a little disappointed in myself. I spent all this time talking about how I was going to straighten up my act and get my shit together…and that’s when I proceeded to drop off the face of the map.
Many of you may know that I’d been in training for a new job as of my last post…I was selling insurance with a company here in Rockford. Your operative question right now may be, “Josh, why all the past-tense verb usage?” Well, that’s because I quit my job two days ago. I officially worked there for a grand total of a week and a day before putting packing up and shipping out. “But Josh, you were so happy with that job!” Well, I feel like I worked pretty hard to make it look like I was happy….truth be told, I think I just learned how to become better at acting. Ask my parents (whom I still live with), and they’ll tell you I was pretty miserable a good portion of the time.
“Josh, why?” Great question. Honestly, selling insurance is not a job, it’s a career. It’s a lifestyle choice, really. It involves full-time commitment, and a certain level of integrity and devotion if you’re going to do it right. Maybe it’s that way with all dedicated sales jobs. Especially for those first few months, it feels like every waking hour should be dedicated to building your business. And though I’d like to put in that sort of dedication to SOMETHING, I know I didn’t want it to be insurance. I couldn’t pick up a game controller or a pen to write and not feel guilty about it…that was the sure sign there was a problem.
I had plenty of other factors that came into play to make me decide to drop the job, but the chief one was actually thinking about a close we were supposed to use if someone tried to object to purchasing. Since insurance is dependent on the health quality of the individual becoming insured, we would tell them that we understood the financial reasons whu someone would put off purchasing, but you never know what tomorrow could bring. For some people, tomorrow would bring uninsurability. By the time you need insurance, it’s too late to purchase it. I started thinking about those concepts in my life…I was putting off writing and gaming as a passion and career even though there is no guarantee I’ll get “enough time” to get to it. It just felt wrong. All the time.
As far as you all are concerned, I realize I wasn’t writing because I know I’d feel like I was lying if I wrote happy posts, and I try not to be too emo here. Part of being a salesperson is never showing weakness, always being upbeat and positive…and these last couple weeks, I’ve concurrently been at my lowest. I’ve felt dishonest, dirty, and lonely. Dealing with those feelings alone can be devastating. I guess it kinda was, actually. But I’ve felt like I’ve been on the upswing in the couple days since I left, and I’m working on improving my dedication to my craft. I’m writing again, and the ideas are starting to flow more frequently through my mind. It’s a positive experience.
In the meantime, I need to start tracking my wins and losses again. I haven’t even flipped my calendar in two weeks…I’ve been pretty busy/lazy about it. I’m revising a couple rules for my next session:
- Removing the game purchasing rule. I want to make a career out of games one way or another…I need to be buying games to stay current. I need to see purchases less as wasteful spending and more as career investment…but this also means I have to put enough time into playing them to make it worthwhile.
- Changing the requirements for winning. I used to figure that I had to do ALL of the daily events to “win,” but now that I’ve done a couple weeks of it, I’ve seen the fatal flaw in that logic: if I knew I couldn’t complete one task, I’d stop caring about finishing the others since I knew I was going to “lose.” That’s not okay. Instead, I’m now going to make the goal to complete 5/6 each day to win.
- Incentivizing the game. Sure, it’s good to “win,” but what’s the point? I need to create a reason for winning…so I’ve created my own savings plan. Each day I win I’ll put a dollar into my savings account….but each day I lose, I’ll be adding an additional dollar for each item I fall short…if I only do 3, then I’ll add 3 dollars to my savings account (1 base dollar plus 2 short of winning.) This’ll encourage me to get my stuff done so I can actually use my money. I haven’t come up with a reward for winning all week…but that hasn’t been a problem I’ve had yet, lol.
Anyway, we’ll see how this all plays out. I’m now on a nationwide search for my next job, looking for something that’ll really satisfy me and encourage me to stick around for more than a few months. Let’s see how it all plays out.