I hate reboots. I think they’re the downfall of creativity. “Hmm, that Hulk movie didn’t hit very well….let’s just pretend it didn’t exist.” “Spider-Man? Sure, there are plenty of interesting stories that have been written about him post-1963, but we know this one sells…let’s just change a couple bits and do it again.” Particularly prevalent as of late in hero films, the reboot is the film industry’s crutch. The implied ability to reboot a franchise seems to have deadened film writers, allowed them to toss slop like Spider-Man 3 out into the streets.
Then again, maybe I can’t give Hollywood too much shit. Maybe Marvel was just crunched for time when they put the movie together, or maybe things just didn’t fall in line the way they’d hoped. Maybe they felt like people stopped expecting greatness from them…maybe they stopped expecting greatness from themselves. It was going to sell tickets regardless, it’d be a box-office hit…then they released Iron Man and people thought, “Hey, that was actually really good! I’d love to see more QUALITY films from Marvel.” Now we have Captain America: The First Avenger…that movie was, in my humble opinion, SUPERB.
Lately, my life has felt very Spider-Man 3. People had high expectations, and I’ve lazily blundered my way into irrelevance and mediocrity. I’d high hopes but haven’t done anything about it. I’ve taken things that have fallen into my lap. And if you ask me what I’ve been up to or what I’ve been doing, even though I’ve been going through plenty of changes, I don’t sound like I have anything to be proud of as of late. Often, I don’t really feel like I have much to be proud as of late. Don’t get me wrong; I’ve got a job (going on two) and that’s all well and good, but what am I really doing that I ever set out to do? How am I reaching for my goals?
I took this break to seriously consider whether or not I can actually accomplish any of the goals I’ve set to do. It’s a real question, one that didn’t feel very comfortable to ask. Sometimes I don’t think I really can do anything great, that maybe I just really want to and don’t have what it takes. I’ve thought about many things lately: moving to Wisconsin or Oregon and starting over, settling down here in Rockford and just forgetting about the dreams, quitting my jobs and going back to California. I talked to a good friend of mine, and she told me that the grass is always greener on the other side; inspiration isn’t sitting out there waiting for me to find it. She’s right.
I like to imagine that I’ve lost my inspiration, but I realize now that it’s my self I’ve lost. And I mean for that to be two separate words; almost as if it’s an entity or a possession I can grasp and put in my pocket, I’ve misplaced my sense of self. Hell, look at the endeavors I’ve undertaken lately. This is not the person I set out to be. This is not the person I want to be. This is not the person I’m going to be.
I’m going to continue the blog, with a new challenge to better myself. I’ve killed my old blog, Weekly Resolution, instead trying to fit the spirit of it into this one. Each week I’ll take on a new task, giving myself a week to accomplish a specific task oriented towards accomplishing my goals. Additionally, I’m going to make each day into a game. Here are the rules:
- The objective is to win. Simple, right?
- To win, each day I must fulfill six objectives:
- Write one letter to an important person.
- Exercise the mind, body, or soul.
- Spend an hour seriously writing.
- Read for at least half an hour.
- Drink less than 3 drinks a day.
Each goal is an investment in my future. I want to focus on accomplishing work and holding myself accountable for my successes and failures. So I’m going to keep a calendar above my work desk, and every day I accomplish all my tasks, I’ll write a W on the calendar. Each time I fail even just one task, I’ll write an L. The idea: to treat life like it counts, like there are no reboots. Just wins, and losses.
I have realized, though, that I can’t do this alone. Honestly, I need support, and I need to be held accountable for when I succeed and fail. I’m learning that I’m not as good at accomplishing tasks when I’m solely trying to motivate myself…you all have kept me motivated and accountable through your comments and posts, and I appreciate that. I like to imagine that I’m like a little kid learning how to ride a bike: I need a push and some cheering on before I can really work this bike without the training wheels.
So thanks for watching me grow up, all. I’ll keep doing it, and I’ll make you proud. I’ll make me proud.