Show Me…Obama’s Birth Certificate!

Imagine that you flip your TV on, do some channel surfing, and see a brand-new episode of Family Feud on the air. Steve Harvey calls one player from each side of the stage to the center podium, and provides the following face-off scenario:

“Alright folks, we surveyed 100 news media outlets and have the top 8 answers here on the board. I want you to come up with the most popular answer for this question: What is the most important topic in the news right now?

Suzie, from the Parker family, buzzes in and answers, “Health care!” Steve turns around to face the board and says, “Show me…health care!” Number 6 flips over, revealing heath care as a low answer.

Melinda, from the Baker family, counters with “The royal wedding!” Steve shakes his head in shame amidst laughter and clapping from the audience. “Show me…the royal wedding!” Number 2 flips over.

Yeah, I just made this up…but does it seem that far from the truth?


Want an “accurate portrayal” of the state of America? Check out Family Feud. The Top 100 surveys obviously tell us things about what we think and feel as a people, right? Just check out this clip my mom showed me the other day:

So, while listening and reading articles from various news institutions, I’ve found out what today’s #1 answer is: the release of Obama’s long form birth certificate. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, while people continue to die in conflict in Libya, while what could possibly be the most polarized Congress in American history continues its dick-swinging contest over budget issues, while the consequences of the nuclear disaster in Japan are still being investigated, the news has decided that the most pressing issues on the national agenda are:

  1. Obama was, in fact, born in Hawaii, as shown by his long form birth certificate. Because, obviously, if Donald Trump doubts the authenticity of the President’s birth, we most certainly need to investigate it.
  2. The royal wedding, featuring the royal family of a country we fought to leave 200+ years ago, took place at 4 this morning local time. People in my town held parties. I have no idea why.

Now, given, even with my pessimism towards marriage and whatnot, I’ve enjoyed my fair share of weddings. I would venture to say that weddings are exciting when one of two situations apply:

  1. The wedding involves people you know personally AND you’re happy for them. Everyone grins and talks about how fantastic the married couple’s lives will be. Hoo-ray.
  2. The wedding involves people you know/don’t know, you’re happy for them/think they’re making a terrible mistake AND there’s an open bar. Procedural note: It doesn’t count as an open bar if it’s your alcohol.

Perhaps some of you out there stayed up all night and are able to consider the royal wedding officially “exciting” now based on these standards. Congratulations for you; I almost stayed up until 4 in the morning yesterday because I’ve been bloody sick with the flu and was watching Powerpuff Girls on DVD. But that’s all really besides the point.

I can’t come up with any reason that the release of Obama’s long form birth certificate, a document which proves information that we ALREADY KNEW, should excite me. In fact, the idea that Obama had to appease the media circus by answering to Donald Trump’s idiotic questions is unexciting. Or should I say that it’s “exciting” in the sense that it creates a sensation, but the sensation is one of outright disgust. It’s appalling.

Trump, if you’re going to run for President, here’s the way to win: spend a ton of money, look good on camera, and get a great speech writer. Forget ideas like designing a positive election campaign, coming up with legitimate governmental reforms that can actually be implemented through presidential power, balancing the budget, or finding ways to decrease the country’s dependence on oil. It seems to be that all you’re concerned about is winning the election, not improving the state of the country (which I’ve mistakenly thought becoming the President was supposed to be about), otherwise you wouldn’t be wasting all this time attempting to disqualify your opposition instead of proving yourself to be the legitimately better candidate.

I’d like to point the Shame Finger (patent pending) at Trump, or even the news media outlets, but at the end of the day, the Shame Finger points strongly at the people who entertain this kind of junk as “important” or even minutely relevant. News corporations are out to make money, to “sell papers” so to speak, and if we as a society continue to buy in to this drivel, continue to be more concerned about royal wedding hats than health care, more worried about political sideshows than the main events that happen every day in Congress, well, we’re just getting what we deserve.

President Obama held a press conference this morning regarding his long form birth certificate. Watching the first 21 seconds reminds me of a phrase I first heard from a former co-worker and good friend of mine back in California: Many a truth is said in jest.

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4 thoughts on “Show Me…Obama’s Birth Certificate!

  1. You’re right Josh! It’s absurd the kind of things that receive press. Just today Ben Bernanke announced we would be lowering the forecast GDP growth rate, and what is the top story?! Obama’s damn birth certificate. The political arena has become nothing but a fool’s game. There are issues that are among some of the most dire in the past century, and yet we have a bunch of clowns acting as our ringleaders. It is definitely about time that we retake our lives, as you are doing, but in this case we have to reclaim them from the steel grip of our own government.

    • You’ve hit the nail on the head, Evan; when the clowns are the ringleaders, everything’s one big joke. And, just like the face of a clown, you’re not sure whether you should laugh or cry when witnessing it all, but the big question really is: how do we go about kicking out the clowns when they’re the ones that make the rules?

  2. “Obama was, in fact, born in Hawaii, as shown by his long form birth certificate. Because, obviously, if Donald Trump doubts the authenticity of the President’s birth, we most certainly need to investigate it.”

    The question of Obama’s birthplace has been in question for a lot longer than Trump came around to politics. The question I ask is why didn’t he just prove it when the question first arose back during his candidacy for President? I mean, clearly there wasn’t anything to hide…

    Anyways, with that said, I do agree with you…it’s sick that the royal wedding has become such a media frenzy, in a country where our founding fathers broke away from because of the government/royal family (in short). Not to mention, that us Americans seem to be much more crazy about this “fairy tale wedding” (Don’t get me started on that! Lol) than the Brits are! Seriously, I talked to my friend Lewis, who lives in Wales, and asked him about his thoughts and he said he couldn’t careless, only thing he looked forward to was the day off. The way he spoke about it, it seemed to be the common feeling towards the wedding. That says something right there…

    • I definitely agree that Obama’s birthplace was in question before Trump showed up on the scene, but we didn’t start talking about it AGAIN until his blowhard tactics showed up on the scene. However, I have to say that I disagree slightly when you ask why he “didn’t just prove it” back in the day. He had already proved through all official channels used by any other candidate running for president that he was/is a natural-born citizen; the idea that he has to jump through these additional hoops seems to be a little preposterous.

      I’ve heard from a couple other people that the general opinion of the royal wedding in Britain has been, well, uninterested. Makes me want to be British a bit…I think there’s some sort of mystique around the “fairy-tale” wedding that people get all excited about because they don’t understand that it’s still a MARRIAGE, complete with fighting, children (eventually), and all those other things that aren’t mentioned in fairy tales.

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